Ashley

Day unknown in the Psychiatric ward.
Drifting through stages of sleeping, and walking, and standing, and trying to care.

The pariah of the Psychiatric ward:
a shrunken girl with wide, blank eyes
nods more than she speaks, softly, like a child.
At meal time,
another patient helps her fix her plate,
she lifts a fork, pauses forever,
and discovers moments later,
something plastic in her hand.

They whisper disapprovingly,
they have nothing else to do,
everything is done for them.

a little man knocks on each door,
meal time,
a nurse strolls down the hallway,
Time to take your meds,
a therapist yells,
group time, gym time,
smoke break, snack break,
What time is it?
We've all lost time.

I pass her in the hallway, she stares into me, motionless, wordless, pushes a hand forward.
Crumpled inside a small palm, a note. For me? She nods.
It is the first time she has responded to words today.
The note was a suicide letter,
someone had hurt her,
she was afraid to tell anyone,
but me.
The note was not a suicide letter.
It was a memo from a Tow Service.
Please pay this amount in check,
no cash please, or credit cards,
We do not take Visa,
send to this address
and please call this number
or this one
or this one over here
and pick your car up.

Wait one minute, Ashley.

I knock on the door of a dementia patient,
your husband is on the phone,
she asks me where she is,
when is breakfast,
you're in the Psychiatric Ward,
breakfast is at seven,
(it is evening)
she follows me, half dazed,
I contemplate how frightening it must be,
to lose yourself.

Ashley, did you want me to read this?

She is sitting in the hallway,
her back sinking into the wall,
a black notebook opened on her lap,
Gently I approach her,
she looks at me with a dead, unsettling stare,
and points for me to read,
I watch her write the numbers,
my eyes caught several words,
scrawled across the page:

Nice ass
Hot tits

Jack
Rack
Race
Rape

She caught me reading,
I, flustered, muttered something,
let her alone, knees to her chest,
chin to the ceiling,
mouth gaping open.

Moments after,
I hear a manic scream,
and rush to the hallway where,
a harmless fool has wandered shirtless outside his room,
and she is frantic with thought.

A man knocks on my door,
have I had any thoughts of suicide today,
I tell him about Ashley,
he shrugs,
she is probably delusional,
they are, usually, just delusions.

They move her, (and the delusions),
to the intensive care unit,
she smiles at me uneasily,
across the passageway,
and it haunts me,
wondering, how many times,
Jack has raped her today.